Five Tips for a Healthy Divorce

Family Mediation Hawaii provides professional mediation, parenting coordination, and support to those struggling with family conflict.

Photo: Pexels

Are you or someone you care about considering a divorce or a breakup with children? Avoid the common traps people fall into by considering the following advice.

Five Tips for a Healthy Divorce

Think it Through. Don’t rush to file legal paperwork in a fit of anger. Make sure you and your spouse/co-parent have tried everything to make it work. Long, expensive, high conflict divorces are often fueled by lack of closure. People irrationally spend money on lawyers because they are not done with one another. “The opposite of love’s indifference.” — The Lumineers.
Get a Therapist. Divorce is a life transition that requires significant emotional adjustment. Get the support you need to navigate emotional ups and downs. Plus, it will save you money since co-pays for individual therapy are a lot cheaper than your lawyer’s hourly rate.
Be Transparent. Everyone knows divorce can be a financial disaster. Hiding assets and income might seem like a smart move but you are not the first divorcing individual to think this. A rational spouse may feel compelled to go to court and utilize subpoenas and other expensive discovery tactics, such as a forensic accountant, to uncover hidden income or assets.
Engage a Neutral. Whether you use a professional mediator, a trusted friend, or a pastor, find someone you and your spouse/co-parent both trust and respect to help guide you. It doesn’t have to get ugly.
Avoid Adversarial Thinking. It is a mistake to think of your spouse/co-parent as an adversary. You have shared interests in minimizing stress, expense, and time spent litigating. If you have children, you both want them to grow into happy, independent, high functioning humans. The research is clear: divorce/separation are not bad for kids, but sustained parental conflict is a toxic, adverse childhood experience that can scar your children for life.

Family Mediation Hawaii provides professional mediation, parenting coordination, and support to those struggling with family conflict. We strive to create better outcomes for children and families by promoting child-centered parenting plans and fair settlement agreements.